Tool – Changing the Spin

This exercise increases your awareness of your thoughts. It helps you re-frame them so they cause less distress and helps you be more kind to yourself.

Find a “journal” and a pen: spiral notebook, laptop, legal pad, whatever works.

Make 2 columns.
In the first column, notice and jot down the thoughts that cause you distress

• Any “I could’ve __”, “I should’ve __”, “I would’ve__”
• I feel guilty about _
• I’m afraid that __
• “Compare and despair”-comparing yourself to others, or yourself at a different time in your life.

Then in the corresponding column on the right, spin it to be the most positive it can be (not rainbows and unicorns, just not cruel or reductive to your current experience of grief).

Old Thought	New Thought
I am disconnected from everything	I feel untethered and it’s distressing
I’m afraid I’ll be alone for the rest of my life	Right now, I’m feeling the pain of being alone
This can’t be all there is	This is a time for recalibrating so I can see what is next for me
I should exercise more-I look like crap	If I can exercise it will relax my nervous system and reduce my cortisol levels, so I (and my body) will feel better
I shouldn’t be feeling this; I should be further along than this	I am feeling what I am feeling right now. Can I give it some attention and airtime? What comes up for me when I do?

See how many times a day you end up feeling a distressing thought.

Notice how the change in thought changes your feelings about yourself if you switch it to something less negative.